Ben's Story
My name is Ben Christopher Thompson. Ben is not short for Benjamin and no one calls me Benji. I read a book about a dog named Benji once. He had seven brown spots on his back. I go to Henson Elementary School. My teacher is Mrs. Godfrey. She wears red lipstick everyday. I hate Mrs. Godfrey and I hate red. Mrs. Godfrey made me draw a picture of an apple once. I drew a green apple and she said it was wrong because no one eats green apples, you only use them for baking into apple pie. I threw my marker at her head, which meant I had to visit Mr. Lee in the Office.
Today is March 14, 2006. Today is my favorite day of the year because it is Pi day. Pi is the ratio of the circumference of any circle to its radius. The symbol for pi is π. Pi is approximately equal to 3.1415926. I have memorized pi to 230 digits. Whenever I feel scared I tell myself the numbers.
This morning I rode the bus to school. It took 37 minutes. We passed 9 blue cars and went through 17 stoplights. We always go through seventeen stoplights because we always go to school the same way. I got off the yellow bus (Number 34) and walked up the steps into the building. My class is on the second floor in room 201. I walk 23 steps up and 10 steps to the doorway. I can’t go straight to the door the way my friend Jeremy does, though, because my feet would touch the green tiles.
At 10:37 AM, the fire alarm rang. Mrs. Godfrey told everyone to queue up by the door and walk outside. I did not do what Mrs. Godfrey said to do, which is bad. My mother will be angry with me for disobeying the teacher. Instead of getting into the line, i ran out the door and into the hall. I hopped down the hall (careful not to step on any green tiles) and ran down the steps. I opened the door that said "EMERGENCY EXIT" on it and another alarm rang. Putting my ears over my head, i ran across the playground and into the street. I was very scared and i wanted to go home, but i didn't know which way to go, so i sat down on the black pavement and curled up. I started to recite pi, all the way to the 230th digit.
I started over at the begining, when i heard a loud noise. A car was coming over the hill, honking its horn at me. I tried to move but i was frozen and my legs wouldn't work. the man in the car yelled alot of bad words and slowed his car down. When the car stopped, i looked up and saw that the man was getting out of the car and coming towards me. He was big and wore a yellow shirt and blue pants. the shirt had 14 buttons and his pants were ripped at the knees. He kneeled down on the road and asked me what my name was. I told him "My name is Ben" He said what are you doing in the road. I said im scared and i want to go home. he said where do you live and i said 1594 Washington Street. He said he was on his lunch break, and he could take me home after he had lunch. I said ok and got in his truck. The truck was green and had the license plate, J6G-HYCT8. I rode in the front seat because his truck didn't have a back seat like my mom's car.
The man drove to a restaurant called Wendy's and parked in the 3rd space from the entrance. He got out of the truck and helped me get out of the seat because it was really high up. We went inside the restraunt and ordered food. The man bought me a vanilla milkshake. I thought it was nice of him. I drank the milkshake--which was very cold and thick--and he ate a hamburger. The End.
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2 comments:
I like how your main character describes his name in the beginning.
I like the way your writing reflects the age and intellect of your character.
The word, "tell" doesn't fit right here: "I feel scared I tell myself the numbers." You could use repeat, recite, say, count etc.
It seems like your character is obsessive compulsive.
Very good writing, but the story is lacking. I want something to happen. He could end up getting hoem safely, or the guy could be a creep.
capitalization
autistic!
queue
plot--boy gets scared
runs away
man calls cops
find kid in a dumpster 4 weeks later
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